her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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