Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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