Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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