I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize