turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
