Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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