It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize