i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
