; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
