I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
