You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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