you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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