I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
