I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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