I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
