Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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