the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
