Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
