He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
