Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
