what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pants are for mortals
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
