I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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