I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
