Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
