i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize