i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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