I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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