so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
