Kiss
Puke
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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