Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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