At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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