I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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