A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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