We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i used baking grease as lip gloss
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
