i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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