Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
