it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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