I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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