I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
