Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
