I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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