You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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