im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
