Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
