I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
