You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
