youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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