That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love you. Go after that dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
