My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
