Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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