I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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