I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
