I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
