ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
