8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
