i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm at about main and main street
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
