God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
