making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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