Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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