and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
