Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
