We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
