my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
