If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
