i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
