I hate your face
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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