That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
