you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
