...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
