Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
